When your body goes into panic mode

I’m selling my flat right now.

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Yeah, yeah, I know I keep talking about it – but it feels like that’s all I’m thinking about at the moment too.

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While I’m sure it’s not the most exciting thing in the world for you to read about, what I’ve noticed is that it’s bringing up all the emotions.

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Excitement at the prospect of moving on to a new phase. Overwhelm at the sheer volume of stuff I’ve been holding onto for years and need to get rid of. Anxiety about how long the process might take and how it might impact on the rest of my life.

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I noticed one particular reaction that came up for me that I wanted to share.

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A couple of days ago my estate agent called to check whether it would be convenient for the buyer’s surveyor to visit on Wednesday morning. Absolutely, yes, I’m around – I might have to shuffle round a couple of Zoom meetings so my coaching calls aren’t disrupted, but I can do that.

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How long will it take?

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"Up to two hours."

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Up to two hours?!

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Two hours must mean it was going to be a really in-depth survey.

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I instantly felt my whole body tense up.

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Then my head kicked in and I started catastrophising.

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What if all those little defects I’d stopped even noticing over the years of living here are something really serious?

‍What if there’s something so terribly wrong that the buyer wants to drop the price by a ridiculous amount?

What if he pulls out all together?

What if a wall falls down while the surveyor is visiting?

What if I’m stuck here forever and I can never leave?!

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Really silly, extreme, totally unlikely, worst-case scenarios started playing out in my mind.

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But what was so interesting to me wasn’t all this theoretical catastrophic cud-chewing my mind was doing, it was the very real, very instant reaction that was triggered in me on a physical level.

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Everything went into contraction, as if someone had zipped me up inside a too-small bag of stress. It reminded me of that moment in the Simpsons where Homer eats the world’s most sour candy.

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We think the reason we get stressed out and overwhelmed comes from overthinking being stuck up in our heads, but usually it’s the feelings that kick in first, and those feelings are usually triggered by something in the body.

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When we talk about being triggered, it’s because the reaction is instant and involuntary. It’s not something we can control – our ancient lizard brain kicks in with the same fight-or-flight physiological symptoms that it uses to respond to any perceived threat. Even if it’s a totally inappropriate reaction to the situation we’re facing in that moment.

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For all our education, our psychology and our strategy, when it comes down to it, you are a ghost driving a meat covered skeleton made from stardust riding a rock floating through space. (Actually, scratch that, that somehow sounds even more terrifying…)

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The surveyor’s office called a few minutes later to ask a few questions and it turns out two hours is just the standard window of time the surveyor allows for any size of property (I live in a one-bedroom flat, so realistically it’s not going to take that long).

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And besides, it’s not as if there is anything I can do to the flat between now and Wednesday morning that is going to make any difference to the outcome. There’s no point anticipating an unknown. Whatever it is, I will deal with it when it comes.

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So, when something provokes that instant physical contraction in you, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and consider what meaning you are attributing to that physical-emotional-intellectual cascade. What is the story you are telling yourself about what that feeling means?

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If you can create a pause between your reaction and your response to remind yourself that you are not your feelings, and that the core of you cannot be damaged by passing emotions, you will realise that – as Eckhart Tolle describes in The Power of Now – in this present moment, right now, you are ok.

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Helping women in the creative industries reveal their inner awesome, so they can practice more compassion in their life, leadership and wellbeing without cracking up, giving up, or compromising their core beliefs

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