A refection on how tough times create to tough people, and the important role that empathy plays in healing
I love nasturtiums. Partly the bright colours (I'm a big fan of orange) but also because they remind me of time spent in Cornwall, where my mother grew up, and where I spent many of my childhood summers.
I remember seeing nasturtiums in my grandparent's garden. My Nan would sometimes send us out to pick a few flowers to go in salad. If you haven't tried it, you should. The petals have a slight peppery taste, and of course they look beautiful.
I don't think anyone was into rocket those days, so I guess my Nan was pretty ahead of her time. Apparently she would also send one of the six kids to the pet shop to buy bran, a long time before anyone knew how beneficial it was for humans.
She was from that generation of women who were strong because they had to be. Like so many others with husbands and brothers away at war, they had no choice but to fend for themselves.
That kind of life can make you hard.
I've seen similar situations with women leading organisations, especially small companies they've founded themselves. I think I've seen it even more when that leader is a woman of colour. The possible reasons for this are many and varied, and deserve a whole post on their own - suffice it to say the challenges of securing funding, developing partnerships and building networks make sustaining an organisation as a woman of colour an uphill struggle. And finding joy when you're struggling is a tough ask, to say the least.
Do you know the Bill Withers track, Grandma's Hands? It's a beautiful, poignant song that tells the story of a strong woman like my Nan. Hands toughened by hard work, by adversity, by fierce strength, even as they reach out to try to care for others in the best way they know how.
Leaders can become like that, too. I've encountered some of them in my time working in the arts. Sometimes those encounters were bruising. A mission that was always intended to be compassionate can become calloused over, in the fight to just survive.
Survival mode calls for armour. It doesn't allow for softness.
When I think back to those encounters - the sharp edges of the pain now smoother and more rounded by reflection and the passing of time - I view these women not with hurt or anger, but with compassion.
These women who have had to be strong, who have had to fight - they are evidence of what needs to change. Their very existence calls for a culture where everyone is fully supported, respected, and cared for. A culture where these powerful leaders who seek to advocate for positive impact in the world can focus on creating harmony, instead of waging war.
Let's build a new world where leaders are supported to lead with compassion, instead of the wearing necessity of tough love.
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Helping overwhelmed women leaders in the arts escape the burnout cycle and unleash their inner awesome, so they can practice more compassion in their life, leadership and wellbeing without cracking up, giving up, or compromising their core beliefs